I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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