That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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