if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
