i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
