The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
