Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
