I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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