we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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