We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
