So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
