I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
