There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
