dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
