Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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