also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
