He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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