he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
