I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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