I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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