i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We talked him into tasing himself.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
