just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize