My balls are so social today.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
