Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
