If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
