Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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