just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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