I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I supernannyed him into submission
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