I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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