He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
