Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You need a sexual gate keeper
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
