she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
no more duck duck goose at the bar
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
