she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
