The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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