Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
