My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize