they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
