There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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