i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize