Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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