it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Well I just put wine in my tea
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
