I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
