wat bout pragnant strippers??
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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