I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
