Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize