My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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