plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
ttyl tear gas
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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