Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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