so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
