I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
