he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
