btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
