According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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