i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
