The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
