I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My Higher Power is John Stamos
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
