I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
