So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
