I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
That accounts for only three of the penises
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
