You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You took a bar mat shot.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
