genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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