I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
