the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
