yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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