tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
