YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
