i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
