There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
