I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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