I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
