What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
