I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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