3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
