At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
