Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
