Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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