You really coming over, don't trick.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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