She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
