8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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