Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
