Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
