that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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