Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
...so i touched it.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
