I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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